Stop Shaming Your Sensitive Heart: Intimacy, Boundaries & Self‑Honor

When I would have an intimate sexual connection it would open me so deeply…

And then afterwards…my mind and body continued to be deeply affected by the experience.

I would think of my lover all the time. I would check my fb messages constantly.

(Please note- for me this is a ‘him’ but your partner might be a her on a they)

I would be yearning and burning,
and often, obsessing… 

And on top of those feelings, I would tell myself “I shouldn’t be so ‘attached’”. 

Sometimes the lover in question was 'uber spiritual' and would ALSO imply that “I shouldn’t be so attached”…

I was using this concept of "I should not be attached" to shame the feelings that I was naturally feeling.  I judged those feelings instead of respecting them. Therefore often when the connection was over, not only did I feel heartbroken, I felt hopelessly un-evolved... 

Do you relate to this by any chance?"

I witness myself, and so many women
using spiritual concepts to shame themselves
for being sensitive human beings. 

We do this by labeling elements of our experience as ‘unspiritual’; and often we do not even know we are doing it. Also many of the spiritual principles are interpreted through a patriarchal lens that actively supports a devaluation of emotions.

At the same time it seems that our incredible yearning for love can become overwhelming, and possibly distorted, when focused on another human being with whom we are engaging with on a sexual/romantic level.

It took me years to recognise that  I was guilty of both the shaming and the distortion. 

But my approach has changed.

I would like to share with you insights that have helped me to STOP shaming my full feeling being, stop allowing others to shame my sensitive heart AND navigate intimate connections with awareness and deep self honour.

I also wish to present the possibility that there ARE ways that you CAN:

•  Navigate intimate connections WIHOUT creating a huge drama, 
•  Open to your emotional nature WITHOUT it getting messy and complicated. 
•  Surrender to intimacy AND stay connected to your own heart and power. 
•  Have spiritual breakthroughs through navigating your intimate journey consciously. 

It took me years to discover this (and I still find it challenging at times!)

But I have studied my own experience deeply
and found some shit that REALLY HELPS.

#1 - ACCEPT YOUR SENSITIVE HEART 

As a woman (or just as a human being), feeling is your superpower.

The feminine aspect of us opens and receives and surrenders

So it stands to reason that it is ok to be deeply affected by intimacy. In fact it’s a good sign!
It means that you can OPEN.

Your heart, as well as your yoni (vagina) and womb are DESIGNED TO BE SENSITIVE.

You are a woman, not a Buddha.

(Yes, you also have a ‘Buddha nature’ - a wise soul that knows it is intrinsically connected to all this is and therefore does not need to ‘get attached’ to any one/thing/ experience.)

But you probably also have a womb, heart and yoni that gets deeply touched by intimacy.

To be touched by intimacy involves deep trust; In the space of being deeply touched and ‘seen’, you open like a flower, and that opening can be very profound, and also very TENDER.

And how precious is that?

Very.

The point here is that feeling, loving, yearning, opening to vulnerability, and your receptive nature, is not ‘unspiritual’ - it’s beautiful.

You can quit shaming that capacity to feel and master it instead.

#2 - HONOUR YOUR NEEDS 

So you’re a sensitive being. Perhaps you are in a process of reclaiming your capacity for vulnerability.

Great!

So it is up to you to create the ideal conditions to support this.

It’s up to you to get clear on what your needs are;
what supports you to stay feeling centred
and connected as you soften and open. 

I would suggest that you create lots of NOURISHING TIME WITH YOURSELF to allow all the feelings that are arising in you as you open to your sensitive nature to be held in your own loving presence. 

So this could look like taking time to rest somewhere cosy and nourishing, with your hands on your belly, just breathing into what you are feeling. 

To have regular nourishing time like this is a way of learning to BE with yourself on a deep feeling level (ie, not in your mind creating stories but focusing on what is being revealed somatically in you NOW).

The major advantage of creating the time and space to really devote yourself to FEEL YOUR FEELINGS on a sensory level is that you are less likely to create and act out dramas from a place of not ‘feeling met’. 

#3 - CREATE CONTAINERS THAT CAN HOLD YOUR EXPERIENCE 

When you honour and value your own sensitivity, you are actively engaging with ‘holding space’ for yourself, and cultivating the ability to feel safe in your own body.

With the knowledge of how that feels, you can open this out into the realm of your intimate relating with others.

A supportive ‘container’ for you may look like:

• Choosing to not have sex until an energetic/ heart connection has been made.
• Insisting on partners who have respect for your emotional needs and can hold a space of presence (ie- stay present and not shut down) when ‘stuff’ comes up for you.
• Choosing to create a dialogue with your intimate partners about how they can support you (and vice versa of course).
  
  

#4 - CHOOSE PARTNERS WHO CAN HONOUR YOUR NEEDS 

If being with someone throws you out of your power, notice that.

Perhaps this person is not ready or willing to honour your needs as a full-feeling woman. From a place of self-love, you might choose to NOT put yourself in the frying pan with someone who is not able or willing to meet what comes up in the depths of intimate relating.

As soon as you can, notice if this person is not on board- and adjust accordingly.

Maybe this person simply does not have the capacity to meet you where you are at right now.

Be honest. Look after your sweet self. Choose willing accomplices.

#5 - DON'T ‘LEAVE YOURSELF’ 

Well, sometimes this is kind of hard, isn’t it??

It seems to be remarkably easy, for me at least, to get totally swept up in it all and lose touch with your inner ground.

BUT…

If you are at least willing to TRY and stay connected to the love WITHIN you whilst you relate (rather than losing connection with yourself and reaching out to grab the love…)

Well then, this is a game-changer

To summarise all of this...

It is not WHAT you do or how much you feel, but how much awareness and compassion you hold that matters. 

I hope this has inspired you to see that you can use the WHOLE of your experience as a sensitive woman as part of your spiritual journey. Rather than shaming yourself, you use your living experience as an opportunity to explore yourself and deepen your relationship to yourself (and your intimate partner, of course).

Surely it’s time for us to collectively move past this wrong/right, spiritual/ non-spiritual paradigm, that starts with the way we accept, or don’t accept, our own sensitivity.

I am personally SO happy to have claimed a reality where my sensitivity is cherished rather than shamed, and this shift has occurred because I followed the steps I share here.

I hope this has been helpful,

And I hope that you respect and care for your beautiful, sensitive heart.