When he is just not THAT into youMay 18, 2020
If the guy you are into, is not THAT into you (or if this is a familiar pattern) and you want to USE this situation to become the woman who can love herself, no matter what AND create the kind of intimate relationships you REALLY want.
Then… this is for you.
( BTW this applies to your partner whatever the gender!)
I share this from my own experience. A guy I had begun to see was not returning my messages.
He was obviously not' leaning towards me' OUCH!!!! Old pattern!!!
Initially I felt despair, then I realized “ What an opportunity to transform!”
Here are some simple steps to make the experience of being ‘rejected’ into an opportunity for transformation.
#1 - GET REAL (AND DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY)
There are usually two ways we respond to a guy not being into us.
We wait and hope - in other words we live in a fantasyland in which he is just about to ‘show up’.
This is the first illusion to take a good look at.
I KNOW how hard this can be to admit…but if he seems like he is not that into you …it probably means that, for whatever reason, he is not ready to show up and meet you. I know it’s not necessarily easy to face this, but the sooner you can get real and accept that reality – the better.
The way you can work with this is to NOTICE that part that is yearning for him to call/ be more present/ show interest in me/ whatever… and recognize that it is not necessarily about HIM, but rather about your yearning for the experience of being met and loved.
Rather than feel ashamed and frustrated…you can think awwww!!! This part of me yearns for love AND THAT IS OK.
A beautiful brother of mine once told me when my heart was hurting ‘It is ok to have a heart that is yearning’.
I pass his wisdom onto you now.
The second instinct is to assume that ‘If he is not that into me', then there must be ‘something wrong with me’.
Here is a reality check for you;
It’s not necessarily about you at all..
It is truly HIS own warrior path, that only he can choose to commit to, to get to the point when he is ready and willing to show up for you.
Please refrain from making this proof that you are un-loveable,
unattractive or that you are never ever going to find love.
How do you do that?
Here is now----Notice every time that you have made this about you not being good enough, notice the story you have created. Take a deep breath and let go of that thought, take some long deep breaths into your belly and relax into YOU.
And if you are ready to take your enquiry to the next level …
#2 - WELCOME THIS REFLECTION
The fact is that if a guy is not leaning towards you, and you keep on leaning towards him, life is probably trying to show you something.
Most of us are so afraid of rejection…
- But what if perceived rejection was an opportunity?
- What if this was a chance for you to learn, to grow, to transform out of your old patterns?
You can use this situation as an opportunity for a very empowering enquiry.
Try reflecting inwardly on the following questions;
- Is this a familiar feeling?
- When have you felt it before?
- What parts of yourself, and your life, are asking for attention?
- How could you give these parts of you more love?
AND, another approach…
What is the belief behind this pattern?
‘guys don’t show up for me’
‘I am too much’
‘I will never find love’
And if that was true in the past, are you open to a different story completely?
How would you need to show up to create the new story?
The point is that you have the choice to meet this in an empowered way.
If you feel unable to do this enquiry by yourself,
get support to help you find your way.
PLEAST NOTE -If you get super clear about all this NOW you will have less ‘stuff’ to bring into your future relationships.
#3- GET SUPER FREAKING CLEAR ABOUT
WHAT YOUR NEEDS ARE
Could this be an opportunity to learn more about what is truly important to you in relationships?
In alignment with manifestation principles, the clearer we get about how we would love to be met, and feel those qualities clearly, the easier it is to attract that.
The most powerful thing you can do in this
situation is to commit to yourself!!
To feel, own and accept your experience – all of it.
So ask yourself;
What are my non – negotiables in relationships??
He is committed to showing up and meeting what comes up…
He is in his power and he is up for owning his shit.
For example- so I feel safe enough to open wider than ever before.
This is all part of the inner work, which only YOU can do.
Go deep enough and you will begin to FEEL your inherent worth as a being who deserves to have these needs met.
(Without needing to demand or protect those needs)
Once you are clear in your own needs it will refine your vibration and affect
the signals you are sending out.
Then the guys you are into either move towards you,
Or… you will end up just enjoying the luxury of your own clear vibration..
It’s a win win!
#4 - CHOOSE WHAT FEELS NOURISHING
It comes to a point when you would rather be connected to yourself than ‘lean out’ of yourself and grab for love. It can take a while. But it happens.
It only happens though when you actively CHOOSE not to pour all your energy into situations that do not nourish you.
Get super discerning and see if you can catch the signs that this guy is not on the same page as you. If he is not, then adjust expectations accordingly or get out.
Spend your time cultivating your relationship to yourself, until a full YES comes along.
Meet your self as you would love to be met. Stroke yourself lovingly, recognize your own amazingness, activate your sensual energy and enjoy yourself.
The kind of intimate relationship you really yearn for may not show up until you have you have found your full YES within.
I hope this has helped- what I would love for you to have really ‘gotten’ from this is the knowledge that you have power over your own experience and the capacity to create the kind of love that REALLY SUPPORTS YOU.
Blessings on your journey
I would love to hear about your experience with this!!
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