Crying whilst making love-Sexual Healing in relationship 101

conscious relationship sexual healing May 16, 2020

Really good love making is not just about groaning with pleasure, it can also be about crying with abandon.

Most women are holding deep levels of shame, self hatred and unworthiness in their bodies

This is held as actual tension and corresponding energetic blockages.

Sex that is loving, and imbued with presence and devotion has the ability to release these blockages

The layers of holding can be accessed WHEN we REALLY open to the energy moving inside of us (with sound , movement , breath, willingness, unconditional acceptance, presence and LOVE)

For when we do then fresh life force energy comes flooding through, washing us clear of the past, knocking up against the debris that we have held in our energy bodies and bringing it to the fore.

Anything that wasn’t felt or expressed in the past, may come up to be felt, accepted, expressed as a cleansing - a clearing.

This healing transformation can happen in the midst of the fire of sexual desire when the the container of safety is strong enough to receive and hold the energies and emotions present.

So to create opportunities for sexual healing in your relationship you will need to explore HOW to create safety for yourself and your partner.

Very few of us are guided on how to do this, most of us enter into the world of sexual relating with little guidance at all. Or perhaps we are only focusing on sexual technique. many women and men have become traumatized by this less connected approach to sexuality that leaves the deeper and more subtle elements out of it.

The way to heal the affects of disconnected sexual experiences is to re experience sexuality in a deeply loving and attuned way.

When we feel a deep connection to our partner, when we know that he/ she can sense how we are feeling, and cares about what we feel. Then safety is created.  When your body can sense that there is a strong enough container to hold and tend to that which was held deep inside, then healing often begins to happen in its own way, in its own time.

How do you know a sexual healing is taking place?

You or your partner may cry, or perhaps get angry and shout and rage, perhaps you or your partner ( or both of you) begin to tremble and shake. These are all natural ways that your body released stuck emotions and energy blocks.

Once this process has begin usually we do not need to make anything happen...  all that is needed is to stay connected, keep breathing and keep loving and allow the healing process to unfold.

You do not even need to understand WHAT or WHY this is happening  but to TRUST that what was hidden is making its way to the light.

All you need to ‘do’ is welcome it, in all its different flavours,

Like in Rumi’s famous poem ‘the guest house’ all you need to do when the different flavours of emotion show up is stand at the door laughing (or in this case crying)

Whether it is self hatred, shame, the pain of separation, unworthiness, whatever… allow it its voice, the outpouring will come to pass in its own time, as long as it is fully allowed.

If you are a lover with the honour of witnessing this, you have the perfect opportunity to be a part of a precious healing, your willingness to stay present and open and supportive is incredible balm to the woman gloriously falling apart/cracking open to the free flow of energy and love.

Don’t freak out, don’t try and fix it, keep looking at her, loving her, saying yes to the energy flowing through her. You will find that it is a glorious avalanche that gracefully dissipates in its own time, your only job you could say is to NOT shut down or space out.

How to invite your man to support you if he has not done this kind of thing before?

1. You model it.

You do this by taking the time to feel, honour, and explore what you are feeling moment by moment.

2. Let your partner know what you are feeling.

For example 'I am noticing that I am beginning to feel very sad/ afraid/ angry' or ' I am noticing that I just began to feel heaviness/tension in my belly.' or ' I am noticing myself shutting down'  basically , rather than hide it, express it.

3. Let your partner know how they can support you in this moment.

For example 'Would you be able to hold me as I have a cry'? or whatever else would be supportive for you to continue  'being with' what is happening without shutting down and/or freaking out and going into a defensive pattern.

Get them on board, on the same team as you, recognise that you are working together to create more understanding , connection and freedom.

Your shared presence of the moment to moment unfolding within you and between you is a potent healer, trust that.

In the experience that I had that inspired me to write this article my request had been for my lover to continue to make love to me even though I knew I was about to cry. Because I let him know what my experience was, that it was not about him doing anything wrong, and also was clear about what I needed, then this became a deeply beautiful healing experience for both os us.

How beautiful that lovemaking has the capacity to heal us on a fundamental level !!!!

This is written in the spirit of service to the healing of collective sexual trauma.As we clear out our own personal 'stuff' we bring more love and awareness into the world for all to benefit. . Keep on opening sisters and thank you to the brothers supporting us in this radical healing!




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