I will be honest with you and let you know that the inspiration for this article comes from a personal experience, and it was my anger that got me to writing.

It was also a quest for clarity; when this whole thing played out I was so baffled that I had allowed/invited this kind of situation into my life so writing this was a way of accessing my truth and clarity (it worked!).

The situation was that I allowed my voice to be discredited. and my truth to be poo poohed by a powerful and intimidating person ( with whom I was relating intimately).

And this is NOT my usual pattern so when it happened I was like ‘what is THIS???’

I share this in the hope that it may be enlightening and useful for anyone who is in, or has been in, a toxic and disempowering relationship dynamic.

Ok so here is some back story about what happened.

I hooked up with a guy, it was a bit of a whirlwind; I was travelling in India and boom there was this guy with a enfield (motorbike) asking me if I wanted to travel with him up through the Himalayas.

I must admit I wanted to go on that ride..I felt like the universe was providing me with an opportunity so I said yes. However as soon as we hooked up the dynamics began…

Initially he was all ‘I want to provide this for you’ but before long it became clear he had a whole lot of unspoken expectations that I was not fulfilling.

He seemed to really not like me . It felt like he was often criticising me, not in a horrible way but in a more subtle way.

It began to feel like I was relating to a big a wall of resistance.

And it felt like that this wall was being pushed back against ME for some reason.

And…this was all completely unacknowledged ( so i thought I was going bonkers to boot).

Does any of this sound familiar?

……

As an energy healer I want to explore the energetics behind the dynamics for a moment:

All of us are holding varying levels of conditioning and unhealed trauma in our systems. This shows up in our energy fields, usually as stagnant or heavy energy ( this is that brick wall energy I was feeling).

Those of us who are energetically attuned or sensitive can feel this stuff acutely, those who are NOT attuned on this level often deny this subtle aspect of reality.

Gas lighting

Particularly if there is not a willingness to look at, own and explore these subtle elements the less energetically attuned person may make it all about YOU- I think this is known as ‘gas lighting’.

In my understanding this is a term to describe the experience in which what you express is constantly deflected, everything is bounced back against you, kind of like relating to a brick wall.

……….

At the time I was completely debilitated by this guys intimidating energy. I was so confused because I was attracted to his strong masculine presence but I felt like he was constantly discounting my reality so I began to feel like there was something wrong with ME.

I was in emotional turmoil and confusion so it was really hard to speak my truth and/or feel my own power.

After a disastrous trip through the Himalayas we parted ways. It was an amicable goodbye but it left me ANGRY!

After taking some time to process it all (and asking WHY I had invited this experience-of being essentially, extremely dishonoured-into my life ) I got to a place of understanding.

I saw that I was attracted to this person through my own needs; I had indeed said yes to this because I really wanted to receive masculine support, but the price was too big, I lost access to my self worth.

There were a lot of feelings that I needed to express before I could move past this. So I went on big walks and screamed ‘FUCK what an ARSEHOLE’ a lot, eventually I forgave him and I forgave myself.

And I chose to use the experience as an opportunity to value myself EVEN MORE.

And…I reflected on the kind of skills that could be helpful when relating to a person with strong and dominating energy.

Because if this dynamic shows up for me again, I do not want to fight. I want to hold a positive frequency, I want to stay true to myself and not give my power away.

But I also know how easy it is to get swayed by the energy of a dominating person..these tips are to my future self and to anyone who struggles to ‘stay in their centre’ with a dominating person:

Tips for not getting swayed:

1.Find your ground

To not be wobbled by someone with an intimidating presence we need to be standing on very firm ground. We can create a sense of alignment on a physical level through being aware of the central channel of our body and our connection to the earth and sky. This sense of alignment and connection helps us to stay centred in our own energy.

2. Breathe into your heart and speak slowly.

I know that if someone is kind of intimidating then it can be really hard to find your voice. If you can breathe slowly into your heart then speak very slowly from that deep place, you may find your true voice has space to emerge. AND when your voice comes from a deeply embodied place then it will hold the kind of certainty and gravity that this person will respond to.

3.Find the courage to honour your feelings

and this involves getting clear on what you REALLY feel rather than just the general swirl of the emotional storm.

4. Be gentle

with yourself and choose self care as you move through the fire. You may ask yourself ‘How can I hold myself with SO much love as I navigate this?’.

5. Resource yourself

Though connecting to people who get you and love you and do not fight against you.

In summary:

A dominating person can show you a lot about yourself,

As with all challenging dynamics this situation CAN be utilised as an opportunity to learn and evolve.

Perhaps disempowering relationship dynamics show up in order to force us to step up and reclaim our natural sovereignty and power.

I hope that this inspires you to stay in your power and make wise relationship choices.

Love Sonja Maria xxx

For the benefit of all beings as we wake up and heal together