Opening to intimacy-How to be both strong and soft and open to love
Like many women I suffered what I call ‘ strong woman syndrome’
I spent years in India as a solo woman traveller. Walking the busy streets, I learnt to keep my energy contained, to stay in my centre, to hold myself, protect myself. I have learnt to pull out kali (ferocious feminine energy) when I need her and to cope in many different challenging circumstances.
Basically, i activated ‘The Divine Warrioress’ within me and she has served me well. This connection to my Wild Woman strength helps me to create healthy boundaries and own my worth and speak my truth with confidence.
What i have found is that the journey does not stop there, oh no.
Because I, like most women, yearn for intimacy….
I do not want to be so strong and self sufficient that I am guarded against receiving love….
I want ‘The Sacred Lover’ within me to dance with abandon and be seen and enjoyed by the masculine, and i want to receive adoration not from neediness but from a place of self love.
I want to feel deep pleasure and immerse myself fully in the sensations that take me out of my head and into a state of blissful union and surrender.
I want to be seen and acknowledged as a beautiful woman, to receive and share the gift of love- like i was born to do!
Not only that, but I do not want to lose myself in the process.
So how to find this delicate balance between the Divine Warrioress and the Sacred Lover and allow them both to support us in living a next level life, and to experience next level love.
How to feel so safe in ourselves that we can completely lost control?
This week following practices are playful pointers in this wild exploration of the fusion of softness and strength , warrioress and lover.
1. Practice creating a feeling of safety in your own body,
Life is unpredictable; to be really happy we need to be cool with being alone and also be open to connect deeply with others. I know for myself I have spent long periods of time ‘holding’ myself. I regularly spend quality time with myself tuning into the way that I feel, noticing when I begin to freak out and giving myself the ‘medicine’ of compassion and presence. When i see i am upset and overwhelmed i take the time to give myself the words, touch and care that I need in that moment.
2.Let yourself be held.
The next step is to allow yourself to receive this from another person, of feeling your absolute worthiness to receive sweetness and care.
Not because you have a hole to fill inside of you but because this is a beautiful and natural expression of the love that you have for yourself.
Practice experiencing your softness through softening into touch and receiving care. When you are being hugged by a man (even if he is just your friend), allow yourself to soften completely into the touch, feel the barriers between you and ‘the other’ disappear. Breathe deeply and let the exhale move out of you and into the space around you. Allow yourself to let go and dissolve into the experience of being held.
2. Allow yourself to be seen.
When I hide my hurts and my needs and my feelings underneath a mask of ‘ok-ness’ then I lose out and so does the person I am hiding myself from. These masks can be subtle; sometimes we do not even know that we are wearing them. I have chosen to allow myself to be transparent, to respect the different feelings that arise in me and be honest about them by expressing them, owning them and sharing them. If I hide them because I am ashamed of them then I hide who I really am and the level of relating I experience stays superficial.
Be generous with yourself and others by sharing what is really going on with you and speak from your heart. This kind of honesty creates deep intimacy and the kind of mind blowing love experiences that can only come when we have our guard down. Through speaking honestly about our experience, without needing to bitch or blame or hide the way we feel, we free ourselves up to be available to the flow of life force moving though our bodies in a way that is impossible when we are holding back or hiding behind a mask.
3. Fly the flag for the goddess.
You are an expression of the goddess, you really are, and what this means is that you are her representative, what is offered to you is an offering to her. And what you receive consciously and graciously is a celebration of her. Through receiving devotion and care and sexual pleasure with absolute openness you place fruits at the feet of the mother goddess.
Embrace your ‘job’ as an expression of goddess energy on earth through meditating on the art of receiving.
4. Use every situation is an opportunity for intimacy.
It could be over the counter at the super market of it could be in your bedroom. It could be between you and a river or you and a man….whatever form it takes let it be a sacred celebration.
Receive praise, touch, gifts, invitations and all expressions of love and appreciation with an open heart and mind, gaze out at your beloved, whatever form the beloved takes at this moment, from deep in your soul, allow your deep heart to be present as your receive these gifts. If you do not know how to do this simply feel into your heart space, feel a wide open space of love there and imagine the gifts of love flowing in freely and being received.
Recently I just had the pleasure of sharing intimate space with a man. A man who I would say is truly king of his own kingdom, a man who is sure of who he is and able to give fully from that solid place within himself. It has been almost difficult to receive the level of honour and love that he offers me through his touch and presence, but I have chosen to let go of my defences and my insecurities and receive what is being offered with grace.
The first time we were in bed together he told me ’ yep, you are most definitely a woman’ I laughed and said ‘ thank you for clarifying that’ and he said, what I mean is that you are very feminine, not all women have that’. And I told him, well I have worked on it…
I have, I have practiced the art of opening to intimacy and I hope you stop ‘being strong’ and offer that to yourself too.