Getting wise to the mindf***
But f*** why would i follow that train?
Again and again i am reminded that in this moment i have so much power, there is always an opportunity to feel irritated/unworthy/hopeless/separate, even here in paradise my mind is perfectly happy to cough up some material that supports the idea that life is unsatisfactory/i am doomed for failure and eternal loneliness/ that it is all hopeless…
So when i notice the negative mental look, i turn up the volume on the bhakti(devotion) and say THANK YOU for all that i have(so so blessed, to be here,in a womans body , with all this freedom and the wisdom to enjoy it), i spend time tuning into the whispers of my womb so that this inner voice is strengthened and ,hopefully, outweighs the mental chatter. I do my orgasmic manifestation to empower my vision and i liberally shower myself with golden smiling light.
I also honour my sadness and other uncomfortable feelings, this bit can be hard but it is a very important part of the deal, when those deep feelings arise, i know there is something there to be listened to, that i cannot jump ahead and throw light strait onto it, i know it is my job to listen to the depths within, and so i do, i take the time, i do not take short cuts, i do not think they exist, i know that i will keep on projecting these feelings out into my external world and create situations that keep them alive until i just STOP and listen.
And it always dissolves, it always dissolves when i offer it the gift of my loving awareness…that is all it wanted!
And then! i turn up the volume on the devotion, the living breathing experience of NOW- and start all over again……
Today i went to see a famous balinese healer (Tjokorda Gde Rai) -what a dude! it is a deep honour to encounter a man like this. Obviously he has amazing skill and knowledge and decades of experience. But what he really left me with, was his cheshire cat smile and his message-dont worry!
Note to self, i am not going to waste my energy following the wrong train( the one that always moves in the direction of hopelessness) instead i will do what this incredible shining light of a man reminded me to do and that is to swallow smiling light and let it fill me. I am getting wise to the head***!